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Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Sunnyvale, California
Comments, Essays, and Sermons (Collection 2) |
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2008-01 Minister’s Musings
by the Rev. Vicky Combs
UUFS Interim Minister
So much pain and so great a need for caring community! It is with great sadness and concern, dear people, that I turn your attention to Florida .
As you may or may not have seen in the news a great tragedy has befallen our UU congregation in Clearwater , FL. Five of their members are dead. On Dec. 14 th , Oliver Bernsdorff murdered his ex-wife, Jen Davis, her partner Andrea, and his and Jen's children, Olivia, age 5, and Magnus, age two. After a police chase he pulled over and turned the gun on himself. Oliver said he would reunite his family or kill them. He did the latter. You can read about this tragedy in depth on the internet. The news reports say Jen had just the day before attended her first domestic violence support group meeting and come out to them. Twelve hours later she was dead.
The UU Trauma Support Ministry is on site as I write. By the time you receive this newsletter this tragedy will be two weeks in the past however I suspect that even then, letters of support to the minister, Abhi Janamanchi, Millie Rochester, and/or the congregation will be appreciated. They can be sent to the Unitarian Universalists of Clearwater, 2470 Nursery Rd. , Clearwater , FL 33764 .
In response to this tragedy another of our ministers in FL wrote the following:
“I have been thinking about a gay father in my congregation whose divorce resulted in a restriction of visitation rights; he cannot tell his children that he is gay, he cannot bring his children to the home where he and his partner lives, he cannot introduce his children to his partner, he cannot bring his children to our congregation to worship with him where there are other gay couples and gay positive images (not to mention an openly gay clergy). I think of his pain in not being able to be fully who he is with his own family or risk being denied visitation rights. And I think of the congregation that is annoyed at him for singing in a choir at another congregation not realizing that here he is at least able to bring his children to church on the weekends he has them. He carries this pain with him silently, stoically…”
As the minister quoted above notes, we have so much work to do in raising awareness of homophobia and heterosexism. Here in the Bay area we may feel as though we live in a relative oasis of safety from that curse but it is only relative in degree to the pervasive violence, oppression and abuse that our ever so theocratic culture has created.
My colleague raises other important questions as well. Were there signs that this (Oliver's) melt down was coming? The newspapers describe Oliver as outwardly “a model family man” but Jenn described 8 years of abuse. Do we create in our congregations places of safety where our members can talk of such things? Do our members share what is really going on in their lives? Do you? If not to the minister, is there someone at UUFS in whom you can confide? If not, perhaps this is a conversation we should have as a community.
In our remaining 7 months together I invite and encourage you to share with me pastoral concerns. A year is not a long time to build up the trust that enables a person to share the most vulnerable parts of her/his life but know that my door is open. I am but a phone call away.
Blessings,
Vicky
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Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Sunnyvale, California
Comments, Essays, and Sermons (Collection 2) |
Back to index |
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